Its occurred to me that all this new me stuff is all very well and good but it will all mean nothing if I don’t start valuing my own worth. Not every friendship, relationship or situation is going to be perfect in life, but I have got to start listening to my gut feeling. Many years ago, I promised myself I would from that day forward, trust my gut feeling. I then proceeded to completely ignore it.
Why even with our best intentions not to
do we settle for less than we deserve?
There has been a lot of research by the clever boffins and their main conclusion was that part of the reason we stay in relationships that don’t quite hit the bar is that we are scared of being alone. They say we find it easier to muddle along in something that is just ok instead of ripping that band-aid off and facing the pain. They also said that if we grow up without positive experiences or examples of how to be alone and be happy then we become fearful of being on our own as its the unknown.
There is also the image that the media and social media have painted single and coupled up people. That you are not loveable unless you are coupled up. And that single people must be unlovable and just destined to be scary old cat ladies. This totally forgets that there are many different types of relationships and that the romantic love type kind is just one version.
We are also too quick to believe what other people say. When someone tells you time after time that no one else would put up with you, know you or understand you, you, of course, believe it. Which is kinda daft as no one has a crystal ball and actually of your that unloveable what does it actually say about them being the ‘only one’ who will love you? But I am digressing.
If your in a relationship of any sort and it is isn’t making you the best person you could possibly be then it might be time to grab the bull by the horns and ask yourself some questions and more importantly answer honestly.
- Does the relationship bring you down in any way?
- Does the other person inspire you to do your best?
- Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells in any way?
- Do you feel you have to change yourself, your goals, values or dreams for them to accept you?
- Is there an emotional or physical abuse or anything you feel you need to hide from friends and family?
- Are you sacrificing or giving more than the other person?
- Does the other person make you feel like you are not enough in any way?
Sometimes there isn’t an argument or an incident that makes you sit and up and smell the coffee. Sometimes you have to check in on yourself and your relationships to notice changes but if you are not at your happiest you need to understand something. And this bit is really important. You deserve to be happy. A relationship should give you more warm fuzzy feelings than doubts.