As part of my recent growth and whole new life thing, I had to learn the importance of letting go. After all its all very well being given the chance of a whole new go at life but if you are holding on to the wrong things then the new chance won’t really amount to much.
Letting go isn’t easy, I know, but to heal and move on it is a natural progression. I totally get it. One minute you thought you where someone’s world, you had your ‘the one’, your person, your soul mate. Then the next minute your picking up the pieces and going over what was and now isn’t and caught in the headlights of a relationship ending.
I can tell you now that once you let go through you instantly start to feel better because you have made the step to being free, to finding and being the real you. It’s scary to let go but you can do it and I believe in you.
But how do you
Psssst – you can do this
1- Understand that you deserve more than just best moments. As you sit sobbing into your tissue your mind is probably on a loop showing you all the best bits of the failed relationship. It’s like a form of torture as it just plays and plays. You just can’t get it to stop. But the thing is a good, healthy and viable relationship is made up not of just moments but its a whole package. There is respect, dedication, trust and loyalty and all on a permeant basis. Not when you have done something to please the other person or when they want something from you. So as you watch all your best bits flashing before your eyes remember you are worth more than a few good moments but worth a whole lifetime of good.
2- Remember that you wanting them is partly because it just been taken away from you. Its human nature that we always want what we cant have. When Mr.P announced the ending of our relationship I thought he was all I ever wanted. Then someone suggested writing down all the things, be it physical or emotional that he brought into my life. Then to go through the list and work out was each item did he exclusively bring with him or was it something any person could bring to a relationship. Once I worked out it wasn’t him I was wanting but the idea of the relationship I thought we had but turned out never had, I was good to go to board the train of letting go.
3- Let go of the need to have answers to your 101 questions. You probably won’t get a real answer anyway and if you did get complete honesty would you actually believe it? Or right now could you actually hear it without it upsetting you even more? When you are fresh into a breakup your natural instinct is to try and fix it straight away so that the gapping whole you are experiencing is filled and the familiar you are used to returns. But that’s the problem you are trying to fill and fix it with what is technically broken. You are beating yourself up with what you could do differently to make it better right now and constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough. You are stuck inside your own head and it’s relentless. You need to allow other thoughts more space and find a new focus.
I totally get that even thought of letting go is scary and you are probably shaking your head and saying you just can’t do it. But do you really want to feel this shit for eternity? Probably not and it’s probably not a good look for you either. Whether you are a believer that the other party will come back to you ( more on this soon) or you just want to feel better, holding on for dear life isn’t the right thing.