I am one of those fluffy, sparkling fairy dust kinda people that sees the good in everyone. So when I started reading up and learning about toxic people it was hard to swallow that not everyone is all lovely and nice like I thought.
Even the word toxic is horrible, especially when you have to use it in the same sentence or reference to a friend, relative or loved one.
But how do you know if someone is toxic
how do you spot it in someone
and what sort of things do a toxic person do?
A rough guide, which is totally nonmedically or non-professional, is if you nod to a few of these things then the person your thinking of may be toxic. If your nodding like a donkey then higher the chance.
- When you are around this person do you feel insecure or find you are questioning yourself, you’re worth and start to feel bad about yourself?
- Are they always blaming everyone else for things going wrong? Is nothing ever their fault? Do they thrive on being the victim?
- Do they always manage to be the center of attention and getting a word in is just impossible? Do they constantly interrupt when your talking or over talk you?
- If you ask their advice do you come away feeling despondent but somehow they come out of it the champion?
- Do you find that when you have had good news or happy they seem to struggle but have a crisis and they are all over it like a rash?
- Do you find that there is no point in telling them anything as they know it all?
- Do you find you get a different version of them each day without any reason? One day they are fine and the next they are moody but say they are fine. Are you walking on eggshells to keep them happy?
Another way to see if someone is toxic is to see how they are around others. Do they never have a good word to say about others? Yes everyone can annoy us in some way of we think about it but a toxic person doesn’t have to sit and think about it. They rarely have a good word to say about anyone. They will be all smiles and charm to peoples faces but its only while that person is of use to them. If you or others are of use to a toxic person or they want something from you a toxic person will be your friend and keep you around. Lose your usefulness and you’re tossed aside.
Lastly, how do you feel around them?
- Do you dread seeing them?
- Do you feel drained after seeing them?
- Do you have to constantly save this person or fix their problems?
- Are you covering or hiding for them?
- Do you get angry, sad or depressed around them?
- Do you feel you have to impress them?
So now you may be identified someone who is a toxic person in your life what do you do now? First, you need to decide if you want toxicity in your life or want to work on letting go? As you think about it keep in mind that toxicity does have a knock-on effect and will make you angry and you will start blaming yourself for their behavior.
Next, understand that it’s not you. Toxic people thrive on opposition. Opposition gives them a false sense of superiority. This false superiority hides the biggest thing toxic people are running away from. That underneath it all they are just normal people like everyone else and nothing special. A toxic person will always try and make you feel exactly how they feel about themselves.
Once I realized how toxic some people were and that it was nothing to do with me or not being good enough I stopped taking their toxicity personally. Those who I could remove or keep away from did, those who I physically couldn’t remove from my life I decided to put up an emotional wall so that I don’t have to deal with their toxicity because it’s their issue, not mine.
Remember a toxic person toxicity isn’t about you. It’s a them thing.