Sometimes we get so caught up in the breakup and what we are feeling right at that moment that we get stuck in a rut. Oh woah is me rut. You wander around muttering to yourself that you have been dumped and wail how are you supposed to carry on. You claim life isn’t worth anything anymore…..
Stop right there. Just stop.
First, you hurting yourself with a whole load of negatives and untruths that are based solely on how you are reacting to the situation right now. The keyword here is reacting.
A reaction is…
…an emotional response to something
It’s your emotions gone mad and doing their own thing. Right now your reacting to being told that you’re not wanted anymore, they have met someone new, they don’t love you. Whatever it is you are hearing you are reacting to. It’s natural and unless you know there is another way you won’t do anything different.
Secondly, you are also reacting naturally to being told you’re not ‘it’ anymore. That they are choosing someone else or even no one else over you. The fact is they aren’t choosing you and your second natural reaction is to scream either verbally or with your inside voice …pick me, love me, why not me? I know as I have screamed, begged and bargained. It’s not a great place to be and no one should ever have to feel that.
When you are done with the reacting there is another thing for you to go through. Yes I know you are going through a hell of a lot already but keep with me this is better than reacting. It’s responding.
Responding comes from…
Its when you have stopped and actually thought about it all. When you stopped and thought about how YOU feel about it all. Not how you think you’re supposed to feel. Not what is expected but the raw truth of your feelings. If you are anything like me you might have forgotten you had an opinion that mattered. But you do and right now is the time it really matters.
For me what turned it all around was how I felt the next morning, then the next and the next. When I wasn’t reacting but responding I felt an enormous amount of relief. It was odd at first as it wasn’t what I was supposed to feel. My brain still needed to process it all so I did have moments of massive overwhelming sadness. It was gut-wrenching pain that would come over in seconds and at the most awkward times. But when I started down the rabbit hole of sadness I had to learn to stop and question myself what I was actually sad about. I kept questioning myself till I drilled it down and down till I got to the root of it and it was never what I thought I was sad about in the first place.
When I stopped reacting and instead responded I realized I had been given the most wonderful gift of all, that of being free. I could stop being a people pleaser or devoting all my energy to one person but to stop and find me again as I had forgotten who I was.
I am now totally in love with finding out all about me. I am learning what I want out of life. I am slowly changing every part of my life. I started with losing nearly 2 stone. Then cleared 11 bags of stuff in one day. I am looking at everything and if it doesn’t make me smile or feel me a stupid amount of excitement then it’s gone. From coffee mugs to clothes and careers to friends.
I have learned a massive lesson. What you respond isn’t nearly how you will react.